Friday, October 27, 2006
- Just Dont let Me have to resort to pills -
Oh My God. Losing weight is so hard! Sometimes i really just feel like taking a knife and stab where all those oil is, and let it gush out in gallons where i will watch with glee with a flaming torch in my hands waiting for the moment that when my wound gets stiched up, and the weight dropping by a miraculous 10, where i will burn up all those oil and shout out the prayers to prevent the demons from inhibiting my belly again.
What a perfect, desperate dream. You know, its not like im not trying. 5 sessions of running and all you see is a dip of 1 kg. And the most absurd thing is, you dont even know if its just mere water weight that will come back!!! And then you start getting paranoid about the approaching brunch cum american tv viewing sessions with your friends and you get so determined to cook for them you end up swallowing in all kinds of experiments, even if they didnt have any taste in the first place because you just got so angry they didnt turn out well.
The life of an arian. We are really just that paranoid when it comes to friends you know. I think most people who perform suicides are arians probably, seeing how our biggest fear is most likely loneliness. My mama is heading off to china again (for the 7th straight year) next saturday which im really getting used to now anually. I am almost definite my mother sees china as her retirement place; you know, the happy place.
Thinking about all these disgusting turn of events in recent for me, i was beginning to think that i had to start finding that happy place in my head soon for solace. I did think of the foundation (my house will be made of non-fat fried potatoes and cheese fries), but nothing much is really conceptualised yet. For one, ground rules will be that everyone will actually understand me when i get excited/nervous and start gutting out words at a rate of 80 per minute (i dont take breaths when i get nervous). Things are just so nicely tuned and exaggerated to the impact you want to achieve when you speak fast i believe.
Anyway on a wholly ridiculous sidenote, i dont know if the army camp is really getting into me or my own bed is rejecting me, but i havent been able to sleep very well in my own house of late; its like i would get into all these small fits in the head. There was that night i thought i actually saw ghost finally (but unfortunately, in my room of all places) but had to settle for the fact in the end that my mind is really just getting screwed up.
Its november darlings. And soon december. I want to make something special for everyone this Christmas because i know this would be the last christmas where i would actually have so many free time on my hands (because im in army and we are all disciplined in wasting our time away without regret for fear that if we do start thinking about the time, we will start screaming again why our ordeal aint over yet). A catch-22 situation? A Stupid example i know. But we all have to start somewhere, and im going to run now, and god knows what that might achieve. Right?!
Written fashion may not be history @8:55 PM
