Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Teary Eyed.
i have never been more hesitant in writing a post, but i have finally admitted to myself that i'm one that almost tries to escape from sadness and emptiness. An awful request of life. An even wilful one, perhaps providing the times when i feel the weight of growing up unbearable.
Great aunt's cancer was spreading ferociously. The soul within was still very evident and warm, perhaps with the knowledge that all proper procedures have been handled of when she passes on. But i see less of glow and gleam, broken down together with the physical state of her body almost definitely. I punished myself in guilt when i finally realised that learning your dialect was really not about culture. It all boiled down to pure unhibited conversations from people to people. Relaying messages across was repeated thrown astray when i could not inteprete them into the words needed, but the sudden rush to speak was mounting such emotions that i only managed to ask her to sleep early and try to start eating something again in preperation for her flight back to her hometown the next day. Perhaps in the end, she would much rather choose to end everything where it all began. She knew i tried hard and saw the love. Without speaking, she summoned her energy to pat me on the head first time ever, appreciating for the timely visits while i, thanked god for how everything worked in mysterious ways, allowing me to be just in time to see her off the next day. I wished as she brushed against my hair if my roots of youth could be passed on to her, enough to make her smile for a few more years. Yet in circumstances, i probably already could not have asked for more.
When we left, my younger brother and mother asked if i had seen her tear. I didnt. Probably another gift from god as he knew if i had, i would be teary eyed.
Written fashion may not be history @10:52 PM
